Do it for you. For me.

It's a good morning when it begins with coffee, wool, a book, and a kid nearby to hear a passage read aloud.

From the passage: "You can only make one person - you - the most wondrous, the most remarkable, the most open, the most beautiful, the most creative person in the world. Not to store it away, but to give it away because you can only give to others what you have. If I do anything for me, I do it for you."

(from Living, Loving, Learning by Buscaglia)

Do it for you. For me.


4-1

 

I'm pretty much a wreck lately. I'm trying not to be, and sometimes I'm not, and usually I don't look like I am...but I'm pretty much a wreck.  

In 1995 he stole my heart.  Then in 1997, she taught me that you don't split love in half when you have a second child - you double it.  In 2000, he stole my heart by being the surprise baby only God knew we needed.  And in 2003, she proved that love can quadruple.

My crew. 11, 14, 16, and just turned 19. I haven't decided which is harder: the Diaper Decade or the New Drivers Decade. I think the going-off-to-college thing might take the cake. Our big guy leaves in 2-1/2 weeks, Lord have mercy on his mama.

Now, it's time for the big one, the 1995 kid, to head off to college nearly 200 miles from home and I'm all kinds of 

wow, this is exciting

     no, it's really not

it'll be fun! care packages!

    I'll miss our random conversations

I'm so happy for him 

    I'm...sad

he's God's kid, not mine

     hang on, I have something in my eye

It's just that all I ever really wanted, since my Barbie Doll days, is this, this beautiful family and their beautiful childhood.

American kids. American Summer.  #my_14yo #my_16yo #my_11yo #my_19yo #AlabamaCoast

I really do want his childhood to end because I really do want him to chase his dreams; I really can't wait to see what he does with his super smart brain and super good looks and I really do want to meet my future daughter-in-law...

....but, darnitall, I'm going to miss my boy.  

I already miss the 1995 baby, the 1998 toddler, the 2005 Kindergartner and the 2008 young teen. Now I'll miss the 2014 graduate.  

Hang on, I have something in my eye...

Off to college in 10 days. #whoscountinganyway

 

p.s. Thank you, Rob Lowe, for letting me know I'm not alone

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It's Nice When We're Kind

I finally captured them on film! 

graphic be kind dog cat

This is our 15-month-old puppy and 10-month-old kitten.  Both were little rescue pets.  I love how kind they are to each other. 

Trust = Peace

Now, don't think all is peaceful and relaxing in our house...the pup does not get along with our adult male cat for some reason, so we break up plenty of squabbles.  Maybe that's why I'm so delighted with these two. 

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Pen & Ink

 

I reach for beauty when something is painful in my life.  Lately, I have been reaching often. Our children seem to sense this.  For Mother's Day, our 18yo son presented me with India ink and a calligraphy pen. Oh, my my, that kid knows what I love:  pen, ink, and paper.

I created my first writing in honor of him. ;) 


I realized why I've felt sad all day...this is my last Mother's Day as a mom of all kids living at home. Our 18yo will be heading to college in August. He gave me this calligraphy pen and ink today - we share a passion for pens, books, drawing, and conver


Saying It Until We Believe It

Tonight as I was listening to the lyrics (and Bible verses), "Oh, my God, I will not fear.  I place my trust in You," it occurred to me that...

sometimes it's okay to not speak the truth.

image

 Cathedral in New Orleans, Lori Seaborg, 2014

"I'll make it through."

"I trust."

"I believe." 

"I will not fear."

"I forgive." 

We aren't 100% sure those statements are true when we first utter them. 

We utter them because we need them to be true

"I will hold my ground."  

"I will be brave." 

"I am okay." 

We utter the words over and over until we believe them.  

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Sometimes

Cassandra Clare - Copy

photo by Lori Seaborg of our 15yo daughter

Sometimes.  

Sometimes you hush.  

Sometimes you don't.  

Maybe this seems odd to the modern first world, but in the missionary culture and church culture, we are encouraged to be silent.  Forgiveness requires silence.  And letting go.

But I read the Old Testament and believe the God of the King David is the God of me, so I don't believe silence is a prerequisite for forgiveness.  

"Sometimes, sharing the burden of an upsetting truth, and revealing it, is a gift you give for someone else. You share the burden, so others will help, in a situation where telling them will change everything."  

my version

If you know of child abuse, and you do know of child abuse, you must share the burden, spread the word, add pressure, require changes, march into Senegal or Papua New Guinea or Nigeria with your feet or  your words, and help those who are forced to be silent.   

This is for the girls of Nigeria:

#BringBackOurGirls by Lori Seaborg

 photo by Lori Seaborg of our 10yo daughter


Worn

I'm tired I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

Today, I hit empty. It's emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausting going all stern mama on a big mission corporation that just doesn't get it.

image

(selfie)

A friend randomly texts, "How are you?" I take a half hour to reply.

"I just want my happy little quiet peaceful life back."

Silence. I have no other words.

I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world

Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.  I'm so tired of crying.

Tears. Dang it.

I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn
So heaven come and flood my eyes

Then...nothing.  This is worse than the tears.  I am just...empty.

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm to weak
Life just won't let up

I get a message..a little dorm sis CCs me on a fiesty email she wrote the mission committee...it makes me smile. She even said, "bit in the ass." I picture the mission's prim and proper conservative bigshots having to read that.  Heh.

I think, Yes, this. I need this.  I need less whispering safely behind bushes, "go, lori, go," and more who come with swords and arrows.

I feel a spark of renewed courage.

Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise from ashes of a broken life

Then the day unfolds and the puppy entertains with an empty toilet paper roll,  three of our 4 paint on canvas at the kitchen table,  one asks  if I will play a card game with him, and the hubs comes home for burgers, fries, and 3 episodes of our currently favorite show.

Life is normal, happy, quiet, and peaceful.  Here, there is a family, not a corporation.  Here, there is safety, not abuse.  Here, there is understanding.  Here there is courage.

"Trouble surrounds me. Chaos abounding. But my soul will rest in you. I will not fear the war. I will not fear the storm. My help is on the way. I will not fear. His promise is true. My God will come through.  Always."

We believe it?

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our 4 

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Worn by Tenth Avenue North

Always by Kristian Stanfill